The Push I Needed

I've known for years that "someday" I would go back to school... or at least I hoped. But then life got busy and I felt too old. I thought perhaps I missed my chance. Then after the Divorce I felt like I should look into school. And yet, at the same time, it seemed like something unattainable, out of reach. Plus, when I had looked into it before, too many years had passed and the local universities wouldn't accept my credits from the first go-round. That meant I would have to start completely over.

Then one of my sisters went back to school. I was jealous and bitter so happy for her. Then another one started taking a few classes. I felt left out excited for her and begrudged congratulated her! But then-- when the third one started taking a class, it was the straw that broke the camel's back I knew it was something I had to do too!

I spent nearly all of 2008 talking about "going back to school". I wondered if I could manage the homework while being a single mom. I worried about the expenses. I feared how long it would take, especially if I would have to go part-time. My friends said it was a good idea. Big-D encouraged me and told me I wasn't too old at all. My mom reminded me that she was older than dirt forty years old when she graduated from college.

I thought about that and I realized that my mother has been doing a job she enjoys and which she is good at for 15+ years. I reminded myself that I will be older than dirt forty in about 5 years and did I really want to be doing the job I am doing *now* for 15 more? Oh HELL-O No!

Nevertheless, I still only "thought" about going back to school. I wasn't sure where to even begin. Fast forward to May. If you remember, this is about the time I started talking to Eric, from back home. I was telling him about the idea of me going back to school. He said, "That sounds great! Where would you go?" I replied, "Probably just the community college. I think they might take most of my former credits." I added, "I would just finish my associates and then transfer to get my degree somewhere else." He then asked, "How much longer do you have to go?" I hesitated, "I am not really sure. Since I'd be going part time, my guess would be about four more years." Then he said, "Well, that doesn't sound too bad!" I sort of shrugged it off. "Yeah, I guess. I don't know... I haven't even applied yet." Then came the pivotal question, "Well what's stopping you??"

Just.Like.That.

It was as if time stood still for just a moment as those words reverberated in my head. What WAS stopping me? That single question set in motion the unraveling thread leading me down this path.

That question was a slap to reality a provocation, staring me in the face...taunting me. It was a question I couldn't ignore. What was stopping me? That's It! No more excuses. I have always been able to accomplish pretty much anything I have set out to accomplish. So, what was stopping me now? I had to call a spade a spade...And this Ace of Spades, my friends, was called FEAR.

As a person of Faith, I know that Fear and the Holy Spirit cannot dwell in the same place. I knew then that I needed to fear not; that I needed to take Fear head-on and replace it with Faith.

I CAN do Hard things... my mother even told me so :)

That very night I looked online and tried to figure things out. So much to do. So little time, and I would probably be too late anyway. Oh well, I thought. I will just "look and see" for next year. Wait! What's this? There is still time to apply for financial aid? The Community College is still accepting applications for Fall 2009? Couldn't be! But it was...

Well, I thought. I guess I could apply and all. I mean, I am sure that there isn't any money left, and I probably won't get in anyway. WRONG!

Apparently EVERYONE gets in to community college... who knew? ;)

And apparently there WAS money left. In fact with my piss-poor impoverished small income, I qualified for enough money that I would be able to go this year solely on grants... No Loans!!!

The rest seemed like a whirl-wind. Placement Testing. Applications. Transcripts Transfer Request. Enrolling in Classes. Getting Books...

I can't believe that here I am six months later, with my "thought" turned into "action". I love that everyone was so encouraging and supportive. I love that Eric gave me the kick in the pants push that I needed.

I sat through a training seminar for a few years back. I remember the speaker saying, "Power comes from telling the truth." She was right. I had to answer that question truthfully. I had to face my fears and "cowboy up", so to speak. And once again, thankfully, my faith prevailed. Not to say that fear and doubt still don't find a way to sneak in sometimes... but hey - I've got straight A's, so I must be doing something right! :)

Jammin With The Web Cam

Ok, so I admit... I have a WebCam.

Now before y'all go and freak out... I do NOT record myself on it doing dirty, disgusting things to publicize on the World Wide Web or anything... Just wanna get that cleared up.

Here is the #1 reason I love the webcam... Cuz I can "video chat"!!!

Video Chat is better than regular IM Chat, because on regular chat I get tired typing (and there are times I have a LOT to say!). Plus, for some reason, my keyboard lags when I'm on google chat or facebook chat. But with the webcam... you just TALK!

Video Chat is better than PHONE Calls, because I don't have to hold the teensy-weensy tiny little cell phone in the crook of my neck and give myself a stiff neck the next morning. Plus, I can SEE the person I am talking to, and it doesn't use up my MINUTES!!! YAY!!! Also, I can multi-task... video chat & BLOG at the same time!!! hahaha!

That being said, there are only a few people I ever video chat with... like 1, maybe 2 tops.

Anyway... back to the point of the post. My webcam has some funky settings... thought I'd play around with 'em.

What I look like when I study.

Me... getting ready to play with the settings on the web cam, tee hee!

Cotton Candy effect

EWW!!! "Blockhead" effect! No Thanks!!!

"I see a Ghost" effect

Fish eye view... geesh! glad I'm not a fish!

Neonized me! Yay!

4-square

50's movie reel

80's Music Video

"Chalk"

"Tiles"

Whew! Back to Normal!

All right...enough goofing around... back to homework!

Why I Don't Ground My Kids...

... simply put - grounding is too much work. Seriously... when/if I ground my kids it is like punishing me too. I mean, if they are on restriction *I* have to be the one to remember who's not allowed to do what for how long and with everything else going on... it's too much work. I am more of the, "Go to your room" or "I'm taking your [insert fav toy here] away until further notice" or the "knock it off" type of mom. I like these because they are practically self-managed.

I mean, I'm sort of a forgetful person, and the few times I told one of my kids they were grounded, I totally forgot about it the next day when the one went to use the phone, or play the xbox, etc. However, if I forget that I left them in their rooms, sitting on their beds to "think about what they've done"... well, then, usually they will remind me... ("Can I come out now???") or if I take away things like the controllers for their games, then I do not have to worry about who is restricted from what. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in restricting or taking away privileges if the "punishment fits the crime", but I try to make it so that it is immediate - not the "you're grounded for 2 weeks" thing. It works for me and it is self-managed; and I guess it helps that I have fairly good kids. The last thing I need is another chore...

Speaking of chores... here's a few others I hate.

Checks. If you need to pay me money, please do not give me a check. When you pay by check, you are now giving me a chore. Bleh... I hate going to the bank. Yes, I know there is a drive-thru and a midnight drop and even ATMs that accept deposits. But I don't know when I am gonna be able to make it over there. So, unless I get one of those electronic check scanner/deposit things in my house, Pu-Lease don't pay by check! lol!

Friendship Bread. Don't get me wrong. The stuff tastes good. But again - another chore. See, now I gotta knead the stupid bag x amount of times for x number of days. And sure, I'd keep up for a day or two... but next thing I know, I'd have a bag busting at the seams with a big dough bubble on my counter. (Yes, I speak from experience.) So, if you're really my friend... bake the bread BEFORE bringing it over! lol!

Questionable Gifts. "This sweater looks like something she **might** like... if not, she can just return it." WRONG! If in doubt, go without... or give a gift card. That's what I always say. Anyone who knows me knows how much I *despise* standing in line to return something. Bleh! I'd rather keep it and regift it. For Real. I have a pair of shoes, that I NEED to return. However, I lost the receipt (i think it got thrown out) and the lid to the shoe box has mysteriously went missing. And now it's been 3 weeks. Don't know if I can still return them... See, they didn't have 8 1/2s... and well, the 9's are just too big. Plus, they didn't end up matching the brown I needed them to match anyway. **sigh** anyone want a pair of brown heeled Mary-Janes?

Plants. Ah yes... Every Mother's Day I get a plant... something I have to TRANSplant. I do not have a green thumb; not even a white one... no. I have BLACK THUMBS! The gardeners thumb of Death! I kill everything. If they based our parenting skills on our plants, I would be forbidden any children. I did good for a while on the tomato plant (and it was ONE PLANT)... nonetheless, it eventually shriveled. The lettuce plant (the project from school) was so dry and brittle... yuck! I've even accidentally killed my fav Calla Lilies once. So please... Go Green with someone else.

Whenever I receive one of these "chores", this line from the movie Juno ALWAYS pops into my head... "Thanks a heap, Coyote Ugly. This cactus-gram stinks worse than your abandonment."

What about you? What "chores" do YOU hate? Do you ground YOUR kids?

Not Me Monday

Monday...time to tell you all the things that did or did NOT happen to me this past week.

I did NOT get tickets from work for the Jazz game last week. Some clients of ours did NOT go and I did NOT take Big-D. Since we would NOT be walking in the F-F-Freezing cold and since the seats in the Energy Solutions Arena are NOT close together, I did NOT decide to leave my purse locked up in Big-D's office. We then did NOT walk in said F-F-Freezing cold over to eat dinner first and then did NOT walk in F-F-Freezing cold over to the game. The game was NOT a disappointment as the Jazz did NOT look like a bunch of sorry-sad tired players and we did NOT lose to the Rockets. Afterwards, I did NOT do things like play "pat-a-bum" in front of a certain someone's security cam at his office building (while going to retrieve purse) and later I may NOT have been involved in "surprising" the cleaning lady when she may NOT have entered a dimly lit office and happen upon two other people (one of whom may NOT have been me) "testing out the sofa" to make sure it was NOT comfy... No, I certainly did NOT, as that would have been highly inappropriate!

I did NOT spend most of the week working on a "group" project for my Communications class, which really does NOT mean that I did NOT do most of the work as all but one other group member did NOT flake out. The other participant did NOT end up with strep throat and I was just NOT finally glad to be done with it and turn it in.

I also did NOT have a few dress rehearsals for the play, "Cinderella and the Substitute Fairy Godmother" of which I was NOT directing and we did NOT have our performance Saturday night. It was NOT a ton of fun and the cast did NOT do a fabulous job!

I did NOT sleep in Sunday and then spend three hours at church, followed by an activities planning meeting of which I am NOT the chairperson. I was NOT so busy, that I did NOT forget to eat anything All.Day.Long. It was NOT 11pm before I realized why I was HUNGRY!!! DUH!

So... what did you NOT do this week?

Six Word Saturday

Homework + Essays + Midterms = Sore Neck + Migraine

:(

Who Does She "Look" Like to You?

PrettyPrettyPrincess recently asked, "What name do I look like?" I replied that she looked like *her* name. She persisted and asked, "Well, what *other* name do I look like?" I'm all "how should I know??? I already know you!" hahaha!

So, I told her I'd do a little experiment and ask you what YOU think... since most of you do not know her real name, what name do YOU thinks she looks like?

Fartshumper?

What's a "Fartshumper" anyway???

Apparently it is Norwegian for "Ground Clearance"..... Funny, nonetheless.